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[20 Aug 2009|09:36am] |
I haven't posted in forever! so, i have some pretty big updates.
in less than a month, I'll be moving to Texas for Ben's last part of training.it'll be for 4 weeks, and I'll be staying off post but he'll be able to come see me after class & on weekends. it's what we need right now, he's been away from Scarlett for 7, pushing 8 months now..and it's killing both of us.
I'll be driving from Cali to Texas, which isn't going to be easy..or fun. 24 hours in a car with a 10 month old is pretty much a nightmare haha. I'm hoping it'll all work out though! :)
We also got our orders ( for people that aren't in the military, after your training for whatever job you've picked, an MOS. they station you at one of the many bases(army call them posts, but a lot of people know them as bases, so I'll be politically incorrect ;) ) around the world. My husband is a nutrition care specialist, so he'll be working in the major hospitals of the army, and we're getting stuck in Fort Riley, Kansas. which is a big blow to us because most of the major hospitals are either in Germany, Hawaii, or other cool,interesting places like that.
But! we're going to deal, it's what the army whats from us, so we obviously can't complain. it's only 3 years & then they'll move us again.
Scarlett is crawling, and has been for some time now. she's eating homemade solids, and bringing herself to standing. she waves,claps,high-fives, and were working on kisses now. :)
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[05 Jul 2009|05:39pm] |
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I am so stressed. I hate getting in these moods, where everything just flips.It's so hard for me to get out of it too, and I hardly know where it's coming from.
-On a side note: Ben was here for the past two weeks and it was unbelievably amazing! We spent his 1st fathers day together at a friends house, we had lunch, bbq'd, it was really nice! He wanted to get away from 'everything' so we stayed at this gorgeous hotel for the first 2 nights. We had so much fun, we got massages, went to the beach, went to all of our favorite (and some new favorite) restaurants!,hmm..what else...went swimming, finally had a couple hours away from Scarlett haha, overall it was extremely enjoyable and i miss him already. Him being here was more than needed, and I honestly think, now, i can bear him leaving for another 15 weeks.
But back to today, I rarely get them, but i'm having the worst day.
I feel like i put so much into people, and all i get is selfishness, it's ridiculous! I dont think it's in my heart to ever be like that to someone ever! If i care about anyone, i pretty much do everything in my power to make them happy/comfortable while we hangout..even with a 7 month old, now thats saying A LOT.
Why can't I get that in return? I just feel like i'm being antisocial again, all i want to do is go get a smoothie, rent a movie and stay in my room all day, but it's too nice and i know i'll go insane.
I just feel like i'm losing everything i had in common with the people that are close to me, i feel like im constantly trying to change myself to fit who they are, that i'm losing who i really am.
i dont want to do that again, i love who i am, i love my beliefs and my opinions, and i'm getting really tired of changing them for other people.
but...at the same time, if i do stand my ground, i'll be doing it alone. and with Ben gone, I really dont want to do that. Ugh...
I'm excited for the 4th, I'm not 100% sure on what my plans are yet, i got invited to a couple bbq's, but right now, i dont even want to go out... thats how bummed i am, but it's Scarletts first one, so I will of course. I've been eating so many strawberries & blueberries with raw whipped cream, I'm about to explode!
-Another thing! I'm SO tired of defending why I eat raw, or how i want to raise my daughter eating that way. I know it's the right thing to do, and i never pressure anyone else eating that way, so i dont understand why people give me such a hard time. Processed foods as well, my daughter is NOT eating that, and people, everyday, roll their eyes and give me their 2 cents, i dont want to hear it!
  
SORRY FOR ALL OF THE PICS. but im too lazy to make a lj-cut haha :)
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[04 Apr 2009|08:49am] |
It bothers me so much when people, aka mothers, don't put their children first because they're "stressed" or need some time (many weekends handing them off to their parents)alone, or to go get drunk and still be completely immature.
I do not think ANYone should be able to have kids, especially when the only reason they have them is to win their babydaddy back.
I feel so horrible for those kids :(
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[03 Mar 2009|12:24pm] |
 Hey! haha so typical that i come back...ahh, i really wanted blogspot to work. :( ben is joined the army, he leaves in a week to go to kentucky for bootcamp & basic training, and he'll be home in 4 months and then we'll leave to whereever we get stationed. :) im really excited, things are finally working out for us and im so happy that he'll be able to do something that actually makes him happy. im going to go back to school, i feel like such a piece of shit not having a good education right now...esp. being a mother. SPEAKING OF BEING A MOM... Scarlett is absolutely amazing! she's 3 months already and there's always something new everyday. she laughs and giggles all of the time, and tries to sit up all of the time. :) yay! but for me, things havent been 100%, being a mom is hard work! im getting a lot happier though, im sleeping a lot better. things are getting good |
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[08 Oct 2008|08:50am] |
i can't comprehend how everything in my life can go from heaven to hell in .5 seconds flat. i don't understand why i deserve any of this, or why this has to happen to me, all of the time. I can't say, i asked for it because i didn't. i asked for change, got it, and i can't be held responsible for other peoples extreme and immature responses/actions.
i deserve stability, i deserve to have a better life than my mom did, and my daughter deserves a father that wants her here 100%, not just 50.
it's ridiculous that every guy i'm with is a complete basket case, they all want to do good, but never seem to find themselves going down that path. i have to guide,steer, completely hold the wheel for them, and i'm tired. my arms are tired of doing it, my heart is completely worn out, and i just dont know what to do.
I guess i'm supposed to figure this whole thing out by myself, but i'm the queen of 'what-if's' and i cant seem to keep a decision. i want a family, i think i can get it, but it's not 100%. i need that 100%. if i move, my life will completely alter, but i don't think it'd be for the good. i think i have my head on straight here for most of the time, and i think running away from a huge problem is just foolish. im the only one it seems like who doesnt like to run away from anything, i face every battle that comes my way. maybe i'm the fool for doing this, but atleast i can say i fought it, and i know what my life is becoming. i decided it for myself, and i want to be able to say that with certainty.
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[03 Sep 2008|11:05am] |
I'm 28 weeks! Only 11 weeks left, time is flying by! I'm obsessed with gossip girls, finally...such a late bloomer. :) Ben and I are still doing great,he's looking for a 2nd job,hopefully that happens soon! I have such a great hubby.<3 ( tummytime ) |
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[29 Jul 2008|05:56pm] |
FINALLY! Things are back into place. I'm finally becoming more and more calm, and enjoying this pregnancy. I'm 23wks, which means i only have 17 weeks left before little Arbour comes. I'm living with bens parents and finally getting my life together. I'm not going to be working, because i'd have to leave within 2 months anyway, so i've decided to take this time to just completely figure out who i am, and where i want to be in the next couple of years. I'm glad ben and i have settled our differences and decided to raise this girl together, because it would have made things a lot more challenging in the long run. I'm so grateful for stability in my life, even though marriage is probably one of the most difficult experiences someone can ever endure, it's also one of the best. I feel people don't fully realize what marriage entails until they're actually in my situation. Sharing and compromising your whole life with someone else is, not only, extremely aggravating, but if you're a pregnant woman like me, you're not going to want to share or compromise shit! haha. But with time, everything falls into place and i wouldn't change my life for anything :) I'm happy i can say i'm 18 and am grounded. I know who i want to be, what it takes to get there, and i have a partner who is already more ahead of the game of being successful than most 'adults' i know. Ready to see how huge I am now?! haha
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[10 Jul 2008|11:38am] |
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I kissed a girl. |
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Meet Arbor Renee Fletcher.<3
On other news:
-I'm living with Ben, we're working everything out.
-Still married
-Arbor kicks 24/7.
-Going to school.
-& Getting a new car!
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| I'm having a girl! |
[21 Jun 2008|11:18am] |
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Things are getting better, atleast for me, i'm feeling a lot more stronger and i do feel like i'll be able to do this. I'm getting a job, and then moving back down to sandiego :)
the due date got changed from dec 1st to nov.26th. woweee!
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